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Friday, August 23, 2013

I'm going to die alone

I really am.
I think I want to, thus the constant heartbreak.
Either that or I'm not meeting the right people.
Or I'm meeting the right people and I'm the problem.

ted mosby something wrong with me

Post-break up blues
This has been the past two weeks in a nutshell

I slipped

Reached out and got the door slammed in my face

I wondered why I didn't see them for what they were sooner.

Got slightly angry. Yeah, slightly!

The numbness kicked in.

Then the anger, with life in general

Recurrent realizations were made, as usual. I'd made them before. I wonder why I even write them dowm anymore if I'm going to chuck logic out the door every time I meet someone I like.

Asked the universe to give me what I need.

Then I remembered,



Because face it, the reason my relationships suck is because I'm never in them. I don't share. I need someone I can be myself around.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Just a Random Thought

"Maybe I should date someone fun"

That's been going through my mind ever since my very first break up and every time I've broken up with someone..

Because you always break up with them. You have serious issues my friend, serious issues.

Anyway, so yeah, I should date someone fun. I should expound on that, I really should. For my case, not yours. It's that everyone I've dated ended up being a really shitty people, which I was okay with because, let's face it, I'm pretty messed up. It's kind of like organized clutter, where I have a lot of shit but it's neatly stacked into huge collapsible piles. That's beyond the point, they just aren't fun. Either that or I get really bored, really fast and what attracted me to them ends up not being enough because I evolve too much. I'm like a virus, constantly changing and morphing into something new everyday and I just need someone who is okay with that and enjoys life the way I do.

I'm pretty open for whatever.

I need a fun liberal soul to take me somewhere close where we can picnic in the middle of the street in the dead of night, sipping on wine as we map our future. That was actually the dream last night.


I'm waiting and searching. Trust me,

Thursday, August 15, 2013

The Broken Record that is my Life

I'm back to square one, I'm not shocked by this.
I always do the exact same time every single time.
I'm tired of talking about it.
But I have to.
I have to constantly remind myself so that I don't forget.
But I did.


I'm always in such a hurry to enjoy life that I end up deluding myself into thinking I'm happy and content because the scenario I'm in is conducive to such emotions.
Either that or I have "chronic dissatisfaction".

gif Black and White smile unhappy question black and white gif ? smile gif smile not

I honestly think I do. My father pointed it out once, that's when I knew I was sunk. All I really want is to be with someone fun. I didn't know how hard that was until now. I met someone who fit the bill, sorta. It was the first honest relationship I'd had in a while. We both liked each other and it seemed like all my worries would be over.

You can tell there's a 'but' coming

But I didn't feel right. It felt like one of my past relationships, where I couldn't be myself. It was like I felt judgement whenever I walked out of the box they made. Like I was only allowed to be a certain percentage of myself around them, and anything more was frowned upon.
I'm a pretty wild character, I don't do well with confinement.
That was pretty relevant.
We broke up soon after.

I wasn't ready to be with someone who wasn't okay with letting me be myself. Part of being an emotionless psychopath, is that I never really know what I feel till it's too late. My one regret, is that I didn't try harder. I don't really feel it though. I honestly wouldn't have changed a thing I did. I just didn't want to be in a relationship but didn't want to lose a chance to find the person of my dreams.
They could have been.
OK Then

But they weren't.

I deserve better.

This time I believe it.
It's not just talk.

I'm taking my time. No rush. I am not dating again for a long time.
A Real Housewife Reaction Gif For Every Situation

Shoot me if you find a blog post about another failed relationship.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Well That Was ShortLived

I'm blogging again. I stopped because I always thought that thinking it out, my usual way of sorting stuff out, was enough. Well, it isn't.

Here goes nothing.