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Sunday, March 24, 2013

The End, For Now.... It's all about Sorting the Clutter

It has been a while since I blogged.

It's not that I don't have anything to say, or that I have too much to say but that I don't think I should be sharing it. Most of the time when I'm seated at my desk as I am right now, I'm always torn between sharing as much as I should while not caring or not sharing as much while completely loosing the point all together. In a perfect world I'd love to share as much as I could on all the ups and downs I encounter through the journey that is my life but sadly, I can't.

I don't fear rejection or judgment, I thrive on it. I think sometimes human beings need a kick in the butt, that's what reality is, a never ending reminder that you are less important than you think you are. What really has changed is my reason for blogging. Sitting now, I feel the flow of words and emotions filling me up and flowing onto my screen and I love it. I used to blog to share but now I feel like that changed. I started blogging to think. And how can I possibly think when I can't share all the thoughts in my head. I'm in awe at all the wonderful bloggers out there that put in all their heart and soul into sharing and changing the world. I love it.

I'm not quitting. I'll still blog but privately. My mind can't contain all my thoughts, but neither can my open blog. If you feel this blog has helped you in any way, kindly post a comment and I might be convinced to blog about the stuff that really matters but only if you need me to.

So it's the end, for now.... Just to sort out the clutter.

P.S I have two last posts from a whiiiiiiiiiiiiiile back, when I was about 18. They aren't the happiest of posts but they are real.


Seeing the World from Different Eyes

Was the world always this simple?
The sky always blue
Not a shade formed by the refraction of light in our atmosphere?
The grass always green
Not the colour of chlorophyl?
Time so slow
Not super fast and beyond my reach
Love, pure
Not a bunch of calculated moves and desires
Choices, direct
Not complex mathematical variables
Thoughts, opinions
Not delusions I must get rid off
Peace, in my soul
Not found before the creation of the britches
Order, mine to keep
Not to be enforced by some outside force
My life, My own
Not someone else's to hold
Not someone else's to control
Not someone else's to subject to pain
Not someone else's to subject to torture
Not someone else's to subject to suffering
Not someone else's to cage
Not someone else's to beat up
Not someone else's to hide away in some corner
Not someone else's to hold hostage
Not someone else's to beat life out of
But my own..

If they call them ‘the Ups and Downs of Life’, why do I always feel like I’m always down?

I get roller coasters
Hills and valleys are basic knowledge
And gravity
You know
'All that goes up must come down', right?
But why do I always feel like gravity does its job a bit too well
Holding me tight
Doesn't give up the fight
Keeping my glued to the ground with all its might
Unable to soar in the air

Okay, not soar but feel weightlessness for that mere instant
Instant gratification
Short-lived pleasures
Is that all we live for?
The bliss that pops up between the mists of insanity
Not my insanity
I mean the insanity plaguing the world
More often than not I feel like the outsider

Don't give me that
'Everyone feels like an outsider once in a while crap'
I feel it all the time
Feels like everyone's looking out for numero uno
And I'm stuck trying to solve the problems of people who don't seem to need it

Wait! I've blogged this already
Problem not solved then
Why is it everytime you try finding yourself
You end up more confused and relatively more lost
That you were in the beginning


It's worse when you're stuck between
Happiness that involves making everyone around you miserable
Conforming to the whims of society
Sucking it in
Going against your nature
Or nurture as some people think
And creating the illusion of happiness
All in an effort to make everyone else around you comfortable
It sucks, don't it?

In some twisted way, we can logically say
We're born to make everyone else happy
It's my life
Sod off!
Yes, I feel frustration
I'm only human………….

Or so I think
Maybe not
And if so
There's something off
Coz' they aren't…………………………….

What must I constantly be in search of happiness
Aren't I happy?
Well, maybe I am
But this can't be it
It's more like contentment
Content with what I have
What is true happiness?
Getting what I want?
What am I fighting for?
An idea?
Is it worth fighting for?
Is it attainable?
Is it all worth it?
Isn't death what awaits us in the end?
Is it all in vain?
Are we like ants
Tortured by a preschoolers
Under a magnifying glass
On a sunny day?
Sure sounds like it, don't it?