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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Mashujaa Day

Finally, a kenyan holiday without all that fake arse pomp n glory but one that actually means something to the people..
Mashujaa mainly means heroes in swahili so we set this day aside to pay tribute to them.. Formally Kenyatta day, the new constitution made a memorable holiday into a day that everyone can use to turn the looking glass inward and find that someone who's greatly impacted on their life..
So, who is that person?? Who is my hero?? ..
The usual suspects..
Mi mum
(She's really been my inpiration all my life)
Mahatma Gandhi
(bless his soul)
Cpt. Jack Harkness
(Someone I can finally relate to)
(Cz you showed me what it really means to be in love)

My Mashujaa day was spent at home watching Torchwood.. lol .. thus the Cpt. Jack Harkness reference.. Didn't go to Woogie's coz school's starting to take away my soul.. :( Will get to meet W during the week so no biggie.. Anyway, my heroes really mean alot to me and basically shape my life and for that I say,
Thank you all.. =D

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I want to be friday so bad!!!

Sitted outside alliance, enjoying the breeze since the blasted day was so effing hot.. My shorts n sandles didn't make a difference btw..
Orientation week has been unpleasant.. Long arse lectures about God knows what, delayed registration, the realisation that I'll probably live with my mum till I'm thirty and the seemingly long distances I have come to walk daily are taking it's toll on me.. I'm not going to as happy as I thought.. People are starting to bond on campus while I stay home cooking, serving food and wishing I was some place else.. I'll probably make friends later but not close life friends.. Go out a couple times n then what?? .. Uni life sucks on my end.. Guess I'll never fit in..

Just wish today wud hv be friday so that I'd be more relaxed n less tired.. Can my life get any worse?? Wait!! Jinxed it.. ««low battery»»

Monday, October 11, 2010

Last day of freedom.. Education awaits..

It's monday, the 11th of October, my last day as a carefree, living-for-the-day, plotless youth..
Tomorrow I start my tertiary education.. Today, on the other hand has been fine bt had a gruesome afternoon with endless queues-I'm writing this post in one- to say the least..
Woke up early got to town early enuf-with help from mother dearest-to get space in the alliance library-watched E.T en français.. It was rather intresting watching E.T explain that he had to contact his home.. "E.T .. Telephoner.. Maison" .. N Elliot all flabbergasted seeing as E.T can speak.. "Il parlè" .. Anyway, Steven Spielberg did a great job directing it.. Truly a classic.. Had a sudden urge for Najmi's kebab and chips-this has got nothing to do with the free tomato sauce but has everything to do with how they make them taste so vegetarian- .. I did go vegan once for about a month until my weight reduced tremendously n I figured I'd disappear into oblivion.. Met up with Goth Princess n shared my meal.. Walked around with her as we talked about how badly I need to learn how to use my photoshop n my solution, tutorials, they're just a mouse click away.. We parted ways n she was off to her usual business.. Made it back uptown to sit down n read a few pages of my current book, 'Man and Boy' before I was off n around town standing in long queues paying or withdrawing sums of money for school..
I'm about to start on the journey that's going to shape my life.. With less years on my belt n as much experience as most of my peers.. These days have to be the best days of my life.. New experiences, new surroundings, new friends n sme old ones and a new outlook on life.. Let's see how tomorrow goes.. :) .. Can't wait..

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

OMG! I'm grown up..

I'm seventeen..
Two more days and I'm legal.. :-) .. I know I shud be happy getting to this iconic stage of my life, my independence.. But to be honest, I'm already independent.. The things I shud be looking forward to I've already done..

I can rave..
I shud be all happy that I can rave openly now n not all secretly like my teenage counterparts but I dnt drink n rave though so no biggy ..

Get to vote!!
I've already voted so that's outta the way ..

My own bank account..
Owned one long enough to get my atm card stolen.. lol ..

My national ID...
I've been using my passport for a while now with no issues so no difference there..

I guess what I'd consider as a milestone is finding myself, spiritually.. Finding Friends.. I joined Quakerism.. Not because I needed a religion or an identity but because it represents what I've always stood for and knew in my heart.. :-) .. And I feel at home..

My only issue is that I just don't want to lose my youth.. Not my charmingly good looks-had to put that in there.. :-) - or my youthful energy but my childish spirit.. That spark that makes me, me.. My essence, my soul, my life.. God! ..

I know my whole life's ahead of me so I really am going to live life to the fullest.. :-) ..

Monday, October 4, 2010

Is love enough??

"Do I love you??"

This question pops into my mind every time I look into your eyes..
I know I say I do but do I? ..
I never saw myself with someone like you, in the begin I did think it was possible but now I'm a tad bit sceptical..
You know how when you start a relationship you're filled with so many expectations and visions of ur possibly beautiful time together. Not forever but for the time you are together then they burst your bubble, reality checks in and you are'nt as happy as you thought you'd be..
It cud be the age difference.. Or maybe that's my excuse. No, wait! It cud be the age difference. We cnt be seen together n feel ok, we're at different stages of our lives and just being together is'nt enough.. Our needs are different and you aren't fulfilling mine and I sure ain't fulfilling yours with the thrill and need it should take..

"Do I love you?"

Maybe I do but it's not enough.. I need more.. I don't care that I feel like I do all the work in this relationship and the broken promises don't bother me at all but I dnt feel like I want to be with you.. And that's the scarey bit..

"Do I love you?"

Maybe not. I'm tired of waiting for the wave of a wand to make everything better, make you more of what I want or make me less needy, less of an adventurer, less of an extrovert and basically not me. I can't change too.. :-( ..

"Do I love you?"

I do but it's not everything. Happiness is my goal and I'm not even content with being your boyfriend leave alone in love with the idea..
I think I'd be better not being ur significant other. I think we'd be better off not 'together'..
Worse is I might break it off right before my birthday..

"Do I love you?" ..

I don't want to.. :-( ..