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Thursday, January 27, 2011

Realisations : I have issues too. Darn! And the way I thought I was special.

It's Thursday night, edging closer to Friday night and that means I'll finally be able to facebook and tweet. I may have technically bent the rules and uploaded a few pictures from my phone. Fine! Facebook's motto's something along the lines of 'share and communicate with friends', so I haven't done the latter which is basically the only reason I went on this stupid break since i had become over-dependent and used it as my not-so-personal journal and spent ages texting and changing my status update every few seconds. :) .

Anyway, I spent this time doing my assignments, soul searching and waiting for this person to get a clue and figure out why I was so pissed. I guess that's the problem right there, I was waiting for you to read my mind and magically be able to solve it. Maybe I haven't been as open as I should be but that doesn't change the fact that I did feel that way. I'm happy we sorted things out but you have to keep the promises you made today. And I'll make sure you do, because I want things to work, yes, we aren't breaking up.

My resolutions
¤ To tell you when you piss me off when you actually do it so that you can do something about it.
¤ Force you into doing things I want done. I won't go into details.
¤ Give you a month to sort things out or call it quits. My heart can't take another bump on the road.
¤ Not let you walk all over me like a doormat.
The need to do these things would be unnecessary if you only put me into consideration when doing anything pertaining to our relationship. Let's just see how things go, I have confidence in you.

My relationship's better now, my life's been sorted as we speak and I'm confident this will be great year.

|Haiya - Harry Kimani

"Harry Kimani puts me in a trance.. Thank you for making such beautiful music.. :) "

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Radio Silence

I'm taking a break from social networking. I figured i needed to when the thought of having three phones seemed valid. Yes, three. I was worried, wouldn't you? So, I sat down and went back to my roots (basically reviewed my core values)and realised I really need to go back to basics, simplicity. That's what I've been striving for but recently my judgement has been clouded by vanity and greed.
How has it been so far?
Well, I have a lot of free time, my gosh, I spent ten minutes staring at my bedroom walls trying to figure out what to do other than facebook or tweet. It wasn't hard to figure out I ought to be studying with assignments due and the end of the semester nearing. So, i grabbed a book and got reading.

Social networking isn't the only thing I'll be taking a break from. No, no one's cheated and yes, we're in love. But love isn't enough. My relationship is psychologically and physically stressing me and I quite honestly can't keep repeating the same thing over and over again (i know, it's tiring) trying to bring my point across and watch you not give a fuck. Funny thing is you could have me if you only tried.
I'm tired and if you seriously want to keep me you have to fight for me. Mabye I need this time to myself, it's been a while since I did anything just to please myself(don't go there). I've neglected myself for too long.

#Pocket full of Sunshine - Natasha Beddingfield

"Take me away, a secret place
A sweet escape, take me away
Take me away to better days
Take me away, a hiding place"

Monday, January 24, 2011

At the end of my rope

The heading clearly says it all.
What do you to when you're in love with someone who claims to love you back when they don't put you as a priority in their life or is downright selfish in the sense that they only think of themselves and what they want without any regard to your feelings and needs??
I'm in the middle of a free fall plummeting into the great unknown and you haven't left the house yet. I feel like an idiot and like I've been used in the sense that I've let you in without really knowing what you want from this relationship and whether or not it coinsides with what I want. It reached a point when I gave up trying to make myself happy and vowed to figure out what you wanted and needed and give it to you but I never did get to know what that was exactly..

I'm at the end of my rope.
You hold the fate of our relationship in your hands. I'm merely the person who wants to spend my time with you, knowing you, growing with you and enjoying every moment of it, so tell me what you want? Is it really that hard?
Tell me if you really love me or you're in love with the idea of being with me.
Tell me what you want out of this relationship or if you just want out.
Tell me if you can change so we can move on or tell me if you can't so you can break my heart now rather than later,

I'm at the end of my rope
And only you can save me and or put me out my misery.

#Breakeven-The Script

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Wake Up Call: The Tale of a Lone Ranger

No, I don't mean the song by Maroon5. I mean more of a forced epiphany crammed down my throat through an elaborately plotted intervention. For a smart person I do a lot of stupid things like leave incriminating evidence in my bag and forget about it which was later found out and led to the above mention intervention. I swear I wasn't going to do anything with it but just being in possession of it was reason enough for my dad to rite me off as dead weight. Sure my mood swings and erratic behavior wasn't helping the story but it really stung that he thought that about me.
Anyway at the end of the meeting after all the shouting and the crying I realised that I really was an idealist living in a purely realist populous. I've always thought of myself as a non-social conformist with my obviously unique dress code that I pick purely for comfort, my long crazy hair (oh how I shall miss thee) and my complete disregard of other peoples opinions of myself but society won this fight but I stand strong when I say the war still rages on.
Why should I be fitted into a nifty cardboard box, tagged and left to live life the way society dictates? Why should I sacrifice my own happiness for the good of others purely on the basis that it is different?? Shouldn't the society accept the different and not try to beat them into submission?? Shouldn't tolerance be the order of the day because at the end of the day we aren't cut off the same cloth??
I may be shackled and out of breath but as my strength increases and the fire within rages for my cause, I shall one day rise and fight for it, the freedom to be free, for in this society we are not free but merely allowed to live.. My voice shall be heard..