tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46394380229580341292024-02-07T06:19:14.249+03:00An Emotionless Psychopathic Hopeless RomanticMy ramblings.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger91125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-43850546942653316572022-02-22T16:43:00.000+03:002022-02-22T16:43:04.086+03:00Meh!<p> I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life. Why am I here again?</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm in a job that I don't like in a field I'm not passionate about doing work that I don't care for.</p><p>I'm out here looking for PD options so that I can show how great I am to have in these companies. Do they want me? Am I dilusional? What am I even doing here?</p><p>The answer is I'm not sure. I feel like I'm doing all the things one should to move ahead in life but hating every moment of it.</p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-15229733550827864022021-07-15T14:09:00.000+03:002021-07-15T14:09:19.699+03:00The Spirit Moves Me<p> It's 2021</p><p>COVID has been part of our collective reality for more than a year now</p><p>I haven't felt inpired to write in years</p><p>Today of all days is the day my sould feels the consumed by the need to jot don all my thoughts in one swoop. </p><p>My thoughts jumbled and falling over each other as the torent of words try to leave my brain hoping to flow out of my mouth in a coherent manner.</p><p>Here I am sitting on my couch with my cat next to me as a wonderful man makes us dinner while I fret over my work situation and the looming fear of the premature death of a loved one.</p><p>That's where I am now.</p><p>Alive. Healthy. In a foreign land. Loved. Constantly thinking about what my next should be while simultaneously leiving in the moment.</p><p>I would say 2021 ismy most productive year yet.</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I learnt how to touch-type - I'm still not perfect but boy has my typing speed and accuracy excelled (and spelling btw)</li><li>I sought for balance in my life wth all the things I am passionate about.</li><li>I pursued a new project and surprisngly excelled in it - I need to get on the next chapter soon.</li><li>I found love during the time of Corona (a working title)</li><li>I started taking month long breaks between birthday fueled brunches and fun latenight dance parties</li></ul><div>But with all of that I still havea lot to work on like</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>My sould sucking job that I love when I'm actually soing my job</li><li>I haven't been saving as much as I should but I'm working on it even though I'm being paid peanuts</li><li>I still don't know what my next step is - work, second masters or PhD</li><li>I'm out to my mum but still feel unable to share my happiness with her - That will basically be a whole book</li></ul><div>Anyway, I'm foreseeing myself writing a book</div></div><div>I don't know what on</div><div>I don;t know by when</div><div>I don't even know what about but...</div><div><br /></div><div>...the spirit moves me</div><p></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-2211901644106893602015-09-27T18:26:00.002+03:002015-09-27T18:26:12.543+03:00The Never Ending CycleI'm basically looking back at my posts to try and figure out why I'm always stuck in the same situations.<br />
<br />
#1<br />
<br />
Boy goes on date.<br />
Boy meets individual.<br />
Boy flirts with individual.<br />
Individual flirts back.<br />
Boy thinks things are going well.<br />
Boy never meets individual again.<br />
<br />
#2<br />
<br />
Boy meets interesting individual.<br />
Boy and individual get close.<br />
The sex is great.<br />
Boy catches feelings.<br />
Individual doesn't want to be in a state where feelings exist.<br />
Boy pretends to not have feelings.<br />
Feeling leak.<br />
Feelings really leak.<br />
Boy becomes hotbed of feelings.<br />
Individual backs away.<br />
Boy turns into a stalker.<br />
<br />
#3<br />
<br />
Boy meets individual.<br />
Individual instantly likes boy.<br />
Boy doesn't feel the same way.<br />
Boy pulls away because he doesn't want to hurt individual's feelings.<br />
Individual gets feelings hurt regardless of what boy does.<br />
<br />
On their own, these scenarios can be handled.<br />
However, on some days like today, when they are happening at once, life can seem like it is kicking you in the balls.<br />
I just want to be with someone that gets me and wants to be with me, that I like back and wants to do stuff.<br />
Is that too much to ask for?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-15393751013152842082014-05-03T00:12:00.000+03:002014-05-03T23:12:30.388+03:00You Make Me IrrationalYou make me irrational<br />
<div>
You make me feel alive without even trying</div>
<div>
It sort of feels like a flood of love and sadness</div>
<div>
A feeling of joy in the connection of our beings</div>
<div>
But a darkness hovers at the realisation that it might not be real</div>
<div>
That it is all made up in the canvas of my mind<br />
Therein lies the truth of my own self-manipulation</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You make me irrational</div>
<div>
Having let me in only to throw me out</div>
<div>
Discarded like a piece of trash</div>
<div>
My feelings justified by the lack of action</div>
<div>
The lack of intimacy</div>
<div>
The lack of care</div>
<div>
But like a tortured dog</div>
<div>
I always return to my master for scraps</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You make me irrational</div>
<div>
My heart bleeds for you</div>
<div>
But I do not exist</div>
<div>
Only to your eyes when we meet, if we do meet</div>
<div>
But to your heart, I'm only a bleep on your radar</div>
<div>
Or so I think</div>
<div>
I quite possibly do not exist on that plane of your reality<br />
Forever transfixed between universes<br />
In a limbo of uncertainty</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You make me irrational</div>
<div>
I want you to say it</div>
<div>
To say that you love me and that it tears you apart</div>
<div>
That you are consumed by the fire that is your love for me, and the thought of my existence</div>
<div>
That herein stands the only person that could ever understand you</div>
<div>
That would truly love you</div>
<div>
That truly sees you</div>
<div>
That accepts you<br />
But that would be a lie<br />
For I am one of many fountains that quench your thirst<br />
That substantiate you existence, making you know that you are truly alive<br />
An selfish act in itself</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You make me irrational</div>
<div>
I want to scream</div>
<div>
But I lay here motionless, paralysed by it all</div>
<div>
Hating myself for having tore open the wound that was healing</div>
<div>
Watching the blood gush hoping that it stops</div>
<div>
That you will come by my side and tend to it</div>
<div>
As the sun chases after the moon</div>
<div>
Or is it the moon to the sun?<br />
In a perpetual dance<br />
Only to meet for minutes<br />
A breathtaking spectacle, that they each hold on to until they meet again</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You make me irrational</div>
<div>
You're probably asleep</div>
<div>
Unaware of the despair you have caused</div>
<div>
Unaware of my brooding heart</div>
<div>
Unaware of the longing I feel</div>
<div>
Unaware of the love that I seek</div>
<div>
Unaware of the love I think you hold<br />
Completely oblivious</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You make me irrational</div>
<div>
You make me doubt myself</div>
<div>
You make me hate myself</div>
<div>
You make me hate you</div>
<div>
You make me do nothing</div>
<div>
For it is all my cross to bare</div>
<div>
My reality</div>
<div>
My wounds</div>
<div>
My suffering</div>
<div>
Devoid of your existence</div>
<div>
<br />
<b>I make myself irrational.</b><br />
<b>You don't deserve me.</b><br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-20390928606616860112014-04-27T17:09:00.002+03:002014-04-27T17:09:28.797+03:00Change.Change isn't always warranted but sometimes you just need to start afresh without literally starting afresh.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-21610167193762174622014-04-14T01:25:00.001+03:002014-04-20T22:05:45.871+03:00Fuck Feelings, Fuck Them All<i><b>Fuck feelings.</b></i><br />
<br />
Fuck them all. I should be studying but all I can think about is the one that snuck in, the one I thought I loved and the one I think is the one.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><i>The one that snuck in</i> </span></b>was charming and sweet, but bad for me. Kinda like candy. Exactly like candy, found on every street corner, amazing in your mouth and packs a punch full of regret. A couple of "I don't think this should go on" texts later and the countless deletion of your cellphone numbers, and you're all I think about. You never said I love you, you made me happy when you were around and hate myself when you weren't. You gave me all the affection you could muster but that was a drop in the ocean compared to what I deserved. I loved you, I love you, I hated you, I hate you... I want you so bad it hurts... but I don't want to feel this way... You will always be the one I could have dropped everything for but I know I never was and never will be that guy to you. I try so hard to let you go but then this song plays...<br />
<br />
<i><b>Say something, I'm giving up on you</b></i><br />
<i><b>I'll be the one, if you want me to</b></i><br />
<i><b>Anywhere I would've followed you</b></i><br />
<i><b>Say something, I'm giving up on you</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>And I am feeling so small</b></i><br />
<i><b>It was over my head</b></i><br />
<i><b>I know nothing at all</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>And I will stumble and fall</b></i><br />
<i><b>I'm still learning to love</b></i><br />
<i><b>Just starting to crawl</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>Say something, I'm giving up on you</b></i><br />
<i><b>I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you</b></i><br />
<i><b>Anywhere I would've followed you</b></i><br />
<i><b>Say something, I'm giving up on you</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>And I will swallow my pride</b></i><br />
<i><b>You're the one that I love</b></i><br />
<i><b>And I'm saying goodbye</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>Say something, I'm giving up on you</b></i><br />
<i><b>And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you</b></i><br />
<i><b>And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)</b></i><br />
<i><b>Say something, I'm giving up on you</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>Say something, I'm giving up on you</b></i><br />
<i><b>Say something...</b></i><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
then you're all I can think about.</div>
<br />
<i><span style="color: blue;">The one I thought I loved</span></i>. I met you when I was in love with someone else (read above), I just didn't know it until I said I loved you and realised I wasn't talking to you. I saw through your flaws and peeked at the wonderful human being underneath all that hurt, but I couldn't be whole for you. I know you loved me regardless but I need to be whole to love back. I still needed mending. I withdrew, it was always about the one that snuck in. I never should have dragged you into this but I'm even more sorry for how I treated you.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: blue;">The one who could be the one</span></i>. Emotionally challenged and bad at general communication but I get it. I don't need constant texts asking me how my day went and I feel like whenever I'm with you, my life makes sense, like here and now is where I'm supposed to be, in your embrace. We take it slow, you're busy, I'm busy, we're getting to know each other, it's fresh, I like you, you like me, but all we can do is wait and see. You make me rethink what relationships should be like. We set goals, we achieve them. We try. I just hope it's not all in my head. It wouldn't be the first time.<br />
<br />
You're all on my mind. I'm tired.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: blue;">To the one that snuck in</span></i>, I just want you to say you love me and leave it all for me but that's never going to happen. I want you to text because I lost your number on purpose but not calling makes me think you love me so call and be the douchebag I want you to be.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: blue;">To the one I thought I loved</span></i>. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I thought I loved you.<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: blue;">To the one I think is the one</span></i>. Get to know me. Get to really know me. That's all I ask. I'll do the same.<br />
<br />
<i><b>|"Some journeys have convinced me that it is not always possible to restore one's boundaries after they have been blurred and made permeable by a relationship: try as we might, we cannot reconstitute ourselves as the autonomous beings we previously imagined ourselves to be."</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>Excerpt from Mohsin Hamid's 'The Reluctant Fundamentalist'</b></i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-436230914759697122013-08-23T01:22:00.000+03:002013-08-23T01:35:51.317+03:00I'm going to die aloneI really am.<br />
I think I want to, thus the constant heartbreak.<br />
Either that or I'm not meeting the right people.<br />
Or I'm meeting the right people and I'm the problem.<br />
<br />
<img alt="ted mosby something wrong with me" src="http://cdn.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/ted-mosby-something-wrong-with-me.gif" /><br />
<br />
<b><i>Post-break up blues</i></b><br />
This has been the past two weeks in a nutshell<br />
<br />
<br />
I slipped<br />
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m92dwsE8qP1qmom57o1_500.gif" /><br />
<img src="http://www.welovedates.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/tumblr_m8o2ubarCK1r81wtbo1_500.gif" /><br />
<br />
Reached out and got the door slammed in my face<br />
<img src="http://31.media.tumblr.com/fe8bd7e62163413ddc0040c4a03bb6a5/tumblr_mlycojlfqE1rcy99do1_500.gif" /><br />
<br />
I wondered why I didn't see them for what they were sooner.<br />
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5808hZSPU1rust45o1_500.gif" /><br />
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lujhqqsdKZ1qkmpj8o1_500.gif" /><br />
<br />
Got slightly angry. Yeah, slightly!<br />
<img height="223" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/9072045824d83c9b474eeabae948fde0/tumblr_motictQY171rcy99do1_250.gif" width="400" /><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/bbdb4b2f0cfd1ac1a3dc5172699d8213/tumblr_mnssf3Yerx1qgwqw9o1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/bbdb4b2f0cfd1ac1a3dc5172699d8213/tumblr_mnssf3Yerx1qgwqw9o1_500.gif" /></a></div>
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/84c7963a79dbb7f6c7a95e8bf9e500c3/tumblr_motidabDPv1rcy99do1_500.gif" /><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
The numbness kicked in.<br />
<img src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/33658164/tumblr_m7dtruNBdB1qb9pa3o1_500_large.gif" /><br />
<br />
Then the anger, with life in general<br />
<img src="http://media.tumblr.com/86b507edda0da9a3f19706ed2a31ba5b/tumblr_inline_mp47j2FdyQ1qz4rgp.gif" /><br />
<br />
Recurrent realizations were made, as usual. I'd made them before. I wonder why I even write them dowm anymore if I'm going to chuck logic out the door every time I meet someone I like.<br />
<img src="http://media.tumblr.com/c818187d0476bf08db8d84062eeed100/tumblr_inline_mi0hye7RXv1qz4rgp.gif" /><br />
<br />
Asked the universe to give me what I need.<br />
<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/aab7fb402b18e59a333ae78b476275f4/tumblr_mlxvj6QyZM1qb9pa3o1_500.gif" /><br />
<br />
Then I remembered,<br />
<img src="http://now-here-this.timeout.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/url1.gif" /><br />
<br />
Then,<br />
<img src="http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me7yamL4ls1r4p71po1_500.gif" /><br />
So,<br />
<br />
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/fcc1076c5c4f7fd3b262401335357062/tumblr_monx0yrtLt1qdh3nlo1_500.jpg" /><br />
<br />
Because face it, the reason my relationships suck is because I'm never in them. I don't share. I need someone I can be myself around.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-8560644658610162972013-08-16T23:57:00.001+03:002013-08-16T23:57:48.816+03:00Just a Random Thought<i>"Maybe I should date someone fun"</i><br />
<br />
That's been going through my mind ever since my very first break up and every time I've broken up with someone..<br />
<br />
<b><i>Because you always break up with them. You have serious issues my friend, serious issues.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyas173lYQ1qj73e2o1_500.gif" /><br />
<br />
Anyway, so yeah, I should date someone fun. I should expound on that, I really should. For my case, not yours. It's that everyone I've dated ended up being a really shitty people, which I was okay with because, let's face it, I'm pretty messed up. It's kind of like organized clutter, where I have a lot of shit but it's neatly stacked into huge collapsible piles. That's beyond the point, they just aren't fun. Either that or I get really bored, really fast and what attracted me to them ends up not being enough because I evolve too much. I'm like a virus, constantly changing and morphing into something new everyday and I just need someone who is okay with that and enjoys life the way I do.<br />
<br />
I'm pretty open for whatever.<br />
<br />
<br />
I need a fun liberal soul to take me somewhere close where we can picnic in the middle of the street in the dead of night, sipping on wine as we map our future. That was actually the dream last night.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Sigh!</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/56002be6b412f75637beb56023c161f3/tumblr_mn1f14abxk1s8bub6o1_500.gif" /><br />
<br />
<br />
I'm waiting and searching. Trust me,<br />
<img src="http://31.media.tumblr.com/3ee0b22d2bce709a7c4b4ae3652a4f19/tumblr_mkaotpR1FZ1rirc9fo1_500.png" /><br />
<img src="http://31.media.tumblr.com/8e61635f9166f8168fc23af825af26fd/tumblr_mm97iyYwt41rueb1uo1_500.jpg" /><br />
<br />
<br />
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/eabf86956ddfe422a727aee40a5d45f5/tumblr_mq5j1vBu8C1s11jbco1_500.gif" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-87187314773398538892013-08-15T02:50:00.001+03:002013-08-15T04:19:07.098+03:00The Broken Record that is my LifeI'm back to square one, I'm not shocked by this.<br />
I always do the exact same time every single time.<br />
I'm tired of talking about it.<br />
But I have to.<br />
I have to constantly remind myself so that I don't forget.<br />
But I did.<br />
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_li3wvnDa8G1qb84lwo1_400.gif" /><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>*starts*</b></i><br />
<br />
I'm always in such a hurry to enjoy life that I end up deluding myself into thinking I'm happy and content because the scenario I'm in is conducive to such emotions.<br />
Either that or I have "<b><i>chronic dissatisfaction</i></b>".<br />
<br />
<img alt="gif Black and White smile unhappy question black and white gif ? smile gif smile not " src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdutbmMxml1rr3ibfo1_500.gif" /><br />
<br />
I honestly think I do. My father pointed it out once, that's when I knew I was sunk. All I really want is to be with someone fun. I didn't know how hard that was until now. I met someone who fit the bill, sorta. It was the first honest relationship I'd had in a while. We both liked each other and it seemed like all my worries would be over.<br />
<br />
<i><b>You can tell there's a 'but' coming</b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<img src="http://31.media.tumblr.com/63776a9fd692ad60348e25041c4fd1d0/tumblr_mjrfxtsynR1s8czzko1_400.gif" /><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
But I didn't feel right. It felt like one of my past relationships, where I couldn't be myself. It was like I felt judgement whenever I walked out of the box they made. Like I was only allowed to be a certain percentage of myself around them, and anything more was frowned upon.<br />
I'm a pretty wild character, I don't do well with confinement.<br />
That was pretty relevant.<br />
We broke up soon after.<br />
<img src="http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/misc/glee%20fuck.gif" /><br />
I wasn't ready to be with someone who wasn't okay with letting me be myself. Part of being an emotionless psychopath, is that I never really know what I feel till it's too late. My one regret, is that I didn't try harder. I don't really feel it though. I honestly wouldn't have changed a thing I did. I just didn't want to be in a relationship but didn't want to lose a chance to find the person of my dreams.<br />
They could have been.<br />
Honestly.<br />
<img alt="OK Then" src="http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/ok-then.gif" /><br />
<br />
But they weren't.<br />
<br />
I deserve better.<br />
<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/68ed5c778511824482eb7c0d12db4083/tumblr_mg87njNBZz1s05ngoo1_500.gif" /><br />
This time I believe it.<br />
It's not just talk.<br />
<br />
I'm taking my time. No rush. I am not dating again for a long time.<br />
<img alt="A Real Housewife Reaction Gif For Every Situation" src="http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr03/2013/5/10/14/anigif_enhanced-buzz-18755-1368209172-18.gif" /><br />
<br />
Shoot me if you find a blog post about another failed relationship.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-23672067596689703382013-08-07T23:47:00.001+03:002013-08-07T23:47:18.518+03:00Well That Was ShortLivedI'm blogging again. I stopped because I always thought that thinking it out, my usual way of sorting stuff out, was enough. Well, it isn't.<br />
<br />
Here goes nothing.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-44567826345288949952013-03-24T19:42:00.001+03:002013-03-25T01:00:49.384+03:00The End, For Now.... It's all about Sorting the Clutter<p>It has been a while since I blogged.</p>
<p>It's not that I don't have anything to say, or that I have too much to say but that I don't think I should be sharing it. Most of the time when I'm seated at my desk as I am right now, I'm always torn between sharing as much as I should while not caring or not sharing as much while completely loosing the point all together. In a perfect world I'd love to share as much as I could on all the ups and downs I encounter through the journey that is my life but sadly, I can't.</p>
<p>I don't fear rejection or judgment, I thrive on it. I think sometimes human beings need a kick in the butt, that's what reality is, a never ending reminder that you are less important than you think you are. What really has changed is my reason for blogging. Sitting now, I feel the flow of words and emotions filling me up and flowing onto my screen and I love it. I used to blog to share but now I feel like that changed. I started blogging to think. And how can I possibly think when I can't share all the thoughts in my head. I'm in awe at all the wonderful bloggers out there that put in all their heart and soul into sharing and changing the world. I love it.</p>
<p>I'm not quitting. I'll still blog but privately. My mind can't contain all my thoughts, but neither can my open blog. If you feel this blog has helped you in any way, kindly post a comment and I might be convinced to blog about the stuff that really matters but only if you need me to.</p>
<p>So it's the end, for now.... Just to sort out the clutter.</p>
<p>P.S I have two last posts from a whiiiiiiiiiiiiiile back, when I was about 18. They aren't the happiest of posts but they are real.</p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-4995254715014506932013-03-24T19:42:00.000+03:002013-03-24T19:42:09.768+03:00Seeing the World from Different EyesWas the world always this simple?<br />The sky always blue<br />Not a shade formed by the refraction of light in our atmosphere?<br />The grass always green<br />Not the colour of chlorophyl?<br />Time so slow<br />Not super fast and beyond my reach<br />Love, pure<br />Not a bunch of calculated moves and desires<br />Choices, direct<br />Not complex mathematical variables<br />Thoughts, opinions<br />Not delusions I must get rid off<br />Peace, in my soul<br />Not found before the creation of the britches<br />Order, mine to keep<br />Not to be enforced by some outside force<br />My life, My own<br />Not someone else's to hold<br />Not someone else's to control<br />Not someone else's to subject to pain<br />Not someone else's to subject to torture<br />Not someone else's to subject to suffering<br />Not someone else's to cage<br />Not someone else's to beat up<br />Not someone else's to hide away in some corner<br />Not someone else's to hold hostage<br />Not someone else's to beat life out of<br />Period!!!<br />But my own..Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-8793270988573505932013-03-24T19:34:00.000+03:002013-03-24T19:34:20.239+03:00If they call them ‘the Ups and Downs of Life’, why do I always feel like I’m always down?<br /><br />I get roller coasters<br />Hills and valleys are basic knowledge<br />And gravity<br />You know<br />'All that goes up must come down', right?<br />But why do I always feel like gravity does its job a bit too well<br />Holding me tight<br />Doesn't give up the fight<br />Keeping my glued to the ground with all its might<br />Unable to soar in the air<br /><br />Okay, not soar but feel weightlessness for that mere instant<br />Instant gratification<br />Short-lived pleasures<br />Is that all we live for?<br />The bliss that pops up between the mists of insanity<br />Not my insanity<br />I mean the insanity plaguing the world<br />More often than not I feel like the outsider<br /><br /><div>
Don't give me that<br />'Everyone feels like an outsider once in a while crap'<br />I feel it all the time<br />Feels like everyone's looking out for numero uno<br />And I'm stuck trying to solve the problems of people who don't seem to need it<br /><br />Wait! I've blogged this already<br />Problem not solved then<br />Why is it everytime you try finding yourself<br />You end up more confused and relatively more lost<br />That you were in the beginning<br /><br />Argh!<br /><br />It's worse when you're stuck between<br />Happiness that involves making everyone around you miserable<br />Or<br />Conforming to the whims of society<br />Sucking it in<br />Going against your nature</div>
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Or nurture as some people think<br />And creating the illusion of happiness<br />All in an effort to make everyone else around you comfortable<br />It sucks, don't it?<br /><br />In some twisted way, we can logically say<br />We're born to make everyone else happy<br />Bullocks!<br />It's my life<br />Sod off!<br />Yes, I feel frustration<br />I'm only human………….<br /><br />Or so I think<br />Maybe not<br />And if so<br />There's something off<br />Coz' they aren't…………………………….<br /><br />So,<br />What must I constantly be in search of happiness<br />Aren't I happy?<br />Well, maybe I am<br />But this can't be it<br />It's more like contentment<br />Content with what I have<br />What is true happiness?<br />Belonging?<br />Getting what I want?<br />Love?<br />Pain?<br />Drama?<br />Security?<br />What am I fighting for?<br />An idea?<br />Is it worth fighting for?<br />Is it attainable?<br />Is it all worth it?<br />Isn't death what awaits us in the end?<br />Is it all in vain?<br />Are we like ants<br />Tortured by a preschoolers<br />Under a magnifying glass<br />On a sunny day?<br />Experiments?<br />Sure sounds like it, don't it?</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-20135836982613337312012-11-27T15:50:00.000+03:002012-11-27T15:51:42.967+03:00I'm Like, Yeah! Whatevz!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Pretty much sums up my state of mind.... :D</div>
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And I hate say Ke$ha's new album is off the chain.......</div>
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*dances*</div>
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<i><b>I don't wanna go to sleep</b></i></div>
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<i><b>I wanna stay up all night</b></i></div>
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<i><b>I wanna just screw around</b></i></div>
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<i><b>I don't wanna think about</b></i></div>
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<i><b>What's gonna be after this</b></i></div>
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<i><b>I wanna just live right now</b></i></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-76406160473406240392012-11-12T16:02:00.000+03:002012-11-12T16:02:23.988+03:00Stuck in the Groove<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This song has been on my mind for the longest time.....</div>
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Enjoy!!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-36611785389249046392012-11-11T21:30:00.000+03:002012-11-11T22:36:05.287+03:00Progress: My life in BriefIt's been a week since my last post.... <i><b>Gosh! Sounds like I'm in a confessional...</b>.</i> and It's going well... I decided to stop dating and just give up on relationships for the time being seeing as my life is filled with so much activity already.... I've got pressure coming from all sides, feel like an egg cracked under water leaving it all spherical and isht..... <i><b>Science references??</b> <b>Really?? Maybe you should date.. </b>:P </i>Aaaah! Ladies and Gents, I'd like to welcome you to a new commentator. Actually, he's pretty old and has always been present in my past posts mostly camouflaged as confusion. It's my inner voice.... I decided to include it my posts since he's pretty influential and mostly because Grey's Anatomy used that technique in this week's episode... I have to admit that it's more revealing than the usual commentary..... It's not looking at the present from the perspective of the future but in real time.... So this way, you get read what I'm thinking as I type it all up... <i><b>Now they think you're crazy... Good Work Psychedelly... </b></i><br>
<i><b><br></b></i>
Anyway, back to the matter at hand....<br>
<br>
Progress.....<br>
<br>
<a href="http://emotionlesspsychopath.blogspot.com/2012/11/progress-my-life-in-brief.html#more">....... there's more »</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-89794535330684141102012-11-04T21:59:00.000+03:002012-11-04T22:13:28.933+03:00Conditioning or Reality?And I don't mean the thing you mix into your after you rinse out your shampoo..... I mean what we're made to think we should do.....<br>
<br>
<i><b>Am I conditioned to love?</b></i><br>
<br>
<a href="http://emotionlesspsychopath.blogspot.com/2012/11/conditioning-or-reality.html#more">....... there's more »</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-91138623662999363122012-10-21T23:34:00.000+03:002012-10-21T23:56:32.865+03:00Le PassionIt's been a while since I posted, mostly because there has been nothing much to say, feel or express for the past couple weeks. They've been pretty routine filled with the usual back and forth I'm used to when I'm in school. This year is particularly important, it's my third year of a five year course and this is where the shit hits the fan. Being a typical technical subject, third year is jam packed with all units they could find that will basically form the foundation of the understanding of the subject. That, however isn't what I wanted to talk about today.<br>
<br>
It's barely 7 am and I'm in school. Probably the only one here, for now. Oh, wait! Here's another student.... <i><b>*forces a smile*</b></i><br>
I know what you're thinking...<br>
<i>Is he in high school?</i><br>
<i>Why exactly are you in school so early?</i><br>
and fundamentally,<br>
<i>Does he have a life?</i><br>
<i><br></i>
Well,<br>
<i>No....</i><br>
<i>My course is intense</i><br>
and<br>
<i>Sometimes</i><br>
<br>
<b><i>*From here on out my sentences will be jumbled up, it's just thoughts pouring out.*</i></b><br>
<b><i></i></b><br>
<a href="http://emotionlesspsychopath.blogspot.com/2012/10/le-passion.html#more">....... there's more »</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-55913435343861143412012-10-07T23:15:00.000+03:002012-10-21T23:35:49.362+03:00October BabiesThis post goes out to all those amazing October babies out there and you guessed it, I'm one too.<br />
<br />
I never really get what the big deal is with new years and all those resolutions people set when they really should be setting them on their birthdays. It makes sense that way because it's literally the start of a new year in your existence. This year I've pretty much been all over the place thinking about growing up and what exactly I should do about it.<br />
<br />
Should I act older?<br />
Should I act my age?<br />
Should I act younger cz I can get away with it?????<br />
<br />
Anyway, I figured all I can do is just live by the day and do what is required of me in different situations. Basically maturity is knowing how to act, matching your situation with the relevant trait.<br />
<br />
My resolutions.....<br />
<br />
<i>*drum rolls please*</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
1.Go to all the events I want to<br />
2.Study during the day even if my schedule is tighter than most headlocks in most wrestling shows<br />
3.Find my purpose<br />
4.Be a nag - If I really want something I should fight for it<br />
5.Get better at driving<br />
6.Get a camera<br />
7.Leave the country at least once<br />
8.Don't date<br />
<br />
......................................<br />
<br />
The list goes on and on and on but generally, I need to be a better person this year...<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-25767486167754098292012-09-23T20:50:00.000+03:002012-09-23T20:52:14.022+03:00Winter WindsIt's one of my favourite songs of the Mumford and Sons album, Sigh No More!<br>
Here's an excerpt:<br>
<br>
<br>
<i>As the winter winds litter London with lonely hearts</i><br>
<i>Oh the warmth in your eyes swept me into your arms</i><br>
<i>Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?</i><br>
<i>For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt</i><br>
<i><br></i>
<i>And my head told my heart</i><br>
<i>"Let love grow"</i><br>
<i>But my heart told my head</i><br>
<i>"This time no</i><br>
<i>This time no"</i><br>
<br>
Looking back at the last two months, winter hit hard.... You know what I mean...<br>
You're single for a loooooooooooooooooooong time that the first person that peaks interest is instantly taken under your arm<br>
<br>
<a href="http://emotionlesspsychopath.blogspot.com/2012/09/winter-winds.html#more">....... there's more »</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-64526302322824885032012-09-17T22:40:00.002+03:002012-09-23T20:52:44.111+03:00Calm WatersI took my advice seriously<br>
I slowed down and prioritized<br>
It was different<br>
The slowing down bit at least<br>
Then it got to matters of the heart and I realised I wasn't being nice<br>
Fine, I was being ass to Person of Interest<br>
I was pushing them aside as I figured my shit out<br>
It made sense then<br>
But if they're supposed to be in my life in that capacity<br>
Shouldn't I involve them in what's going on?<br>
I really like them<br>
Like<b> A LOT!!!</b><br>
And when I like someone that much I have to be able to tell you anything<br>
I mean anything<br>
Because<br>
If I can't ,<br>
<b>WHAT AM I DOING WITH YOU?????</b><br>
<br>
<a href="http://emotionlesspsychopath.blogspot.com/2012/09/calm-waters.html#more">....... there's more »</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-43779137555408515242012-09-15T15:58:00.000+03:002012-09-15T16:12:44.850+03:00Awkward. Revelations and Truths<div style="text-align: center;">
I've always had an over active imagination........</div>
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Not in the "OH MY GOD!!!! LSD was slipped into my veins while I lay there helpless in my mother's womb" usual way</div>
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But in a way that would make you scream, at the top of your voice and in one breath for dramatic flare</div>
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<i>* cue ermahgerd girl meme *</i><br>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnSuhgfqhJOQRx-aO-56EnqFhGK4trWGHtonpqA8lKmBqemNNfhMgzNNiihEMMiYbqxnaDmLC58kP9WdLw6_JXYAZUgzc66ViQAn7ZoMKYNanDJ6XFCQDzOJij7tdwlU3P2ychLF2yu88/s1600/Preview.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnSuhgfqhJOQRx-aO-56EnqFhGK4trWGHtonpqA8lKmBqemNNfhMgzNNiihEMMiYbqxnaDmLC58kP9WdLw6_JXYAZUgzc66ViQAn7ZoMKYNanDJ6XFCQDzOJij7tdwlU3P2ychLF2yu88/s1600/Preview.jpg"></a></div>
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"HOLY CRAB CAKE!!! Are those all the thoughts in your head constantly working out different scenarios in which every step you take, could take you and inevitably making your serotonin levels drop considerably"</div>
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<i>*looks out for an unmarked ambulance, destination : unknown asylum*</i></div>
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<i></i><br>
</div><a href="http://emotionlesspsychopath.blogspot.com/2012/09/awkward-story-of-my-life.html#more">....... there's more »</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-67235520569845205132012-09-14T15:58:00.000+03:002012-09-15T16:15:09.298+03:00Stranger Comfort and Pressurized SpacesNo, I'm not talking about creature comforts where the the creatures are stranger.......<br>
It's more a term I just coined up to explain my current situation....<br>
<br>
I never did get it, why as human beings we're so much more honest and open with people we just met than people who we've lived with for many years.... I mean isn't logical that the person I have been friends with should know more about me than a person I just met days ago???I call it,<br>
<br>
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'<b>Stranger Comfort'</b></div>
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I think it's simple really, deep down you know that this person you've loved and shared with over the years might not always be there you because as people, we drift but strangers are strangers because they hold no tie to your life thus don't cause any harm to it in the end......</div>
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But what happens when this stranger becomes your friend?<br>
<br>
</div><a href="http://emotionlesspsychopath.blogspot.com/2012/09/stranger-comfort-and-pressurized-spaces.html#more">....... there's more »</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-56204802185523596522012-09-13T18:08:00.000+03:002012-09-13T18:17:48.579+03:00Screeching HaltThat's what happened right now.... I stopped, I suddenly came to a screeching halt...<br>
<br>
<i>*I love it when I use my titles in my post*</i><br>
<br>
Smoke everywhere<br>
The smell of burning rubber in the air<br>
I finally realised what my problem is........<br>
<br>
For a while now I've been in such a rush to get to my destination, you know, that point in life where everything fits in.......<br>
<br>
<i>Your career</i><br>
<i>Your life's work</i><br>
<i>Your love life</i><br>
<i>Your beliefs</i><br>
<br>
I've been driving myself crazy trying to get to that point where all these things will be sorted out and blooming in the midday sun, soaking up all the rays up in eternal bliss.......<br>
<br>
<a href="http://emotionlesspsychopath.blogspot.com/2012/09/screeching-halt.html#more">....... there's more »</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4639438022958034129.post-67066872699971524932012-08-28T21:52:00.000+03:002012-08-29T22:26:31.532+03:00My August RushNo relevance to the film, at all, loved it but No!<br>
<br>
Anyway...........<br>
<br>
I was in school, in the middle of our summer vacation which my school filled with physical curricular activities, and the sight of my friends bringing their "better halves" over was emotionally draining....<br>
<br>
SIGH!<br>
<br>
I've always had this thing, chronic dissatisfaction, brought into light by watching Vicky Christina Barcelona over ten times, which basically ruins all my awesome relationships which in this case sums up to ONE! It was my first, I was young and I didn't want to be chained down so we went into stasis and never really thawed... Enough about my first, I was updating you on my lovey dovey movie marathons and endless wailing cz I hadn't found the one.... I was doing all that, every day I was there.... My roomate practically sat me down and told me to stop being such an ass wipe.... I took it positevely, he's a nice guy....... I was lonely and was in one of those moods, I hate myself when I get that way... You know when you're single and you love being your own guy and then it hits you, you want someone there with you, to do stuff with and share your life with then BAM!! you're in a depressed state like no other..... I was like that for days, then I almost didn't go to my best friend's concert but did, cz I was like, FUCK IT!!! I LOVE THIS GUY, DEPRESSED OR NOT..... I ....... AM ...... GOING......... so I went and I felt a rush........<br>
<br>
<a href="http://emotionlesspsychopath.blogspot.com/2012/08/my-august-rush.html#more">....... there's more »</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3