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Sunday, November 11, 2012

Progress: My life in Brief

It's been a week since my last post.... Gosh! Sounds like I'm in a confessional.... and It's going well... I decided to stop dating and just give up on relationships for the time being seeing as my life is filled with so much activity already.... I've got pressure coming from all sides, feel like an egg cracked under water leaving it all spherical and isht..... Science references?? Really?? Maybe you should date.. :P Aaaah! Ladies and Gents, I'd like to welcome you to a new commentator. Actually, he's pretty old and has always been present in my past posts mostly camouflaged as confusion. It's my inner voice.... I decided to include it my posts since he's pretty influential and mostly because Grey's Anatomy used that technique in this week's episode... I have to admit that it's more revealing than the usual commentary..... It's not looking at the present from the perspective of the future but in real time.... So this way, you get read what I'm thinking as I type it all up... Now they think you're crazy... Good Work Psychedelly... 

Anyway, back to the matter at hand....

Progress.....



Matters of the Heart
I did the math....
I shouldn't be dating at all...
I met the person of my dreams at the first try and we had to hit pause cz it all happened so fast... I mean it was instantaneous and there was close to nothing wrong with it.. My mother approved of the individual as a person, she had no idea we were dating but her approval of them as a member of my circle was relaxing. My friends hold no grudges towards them in any way, shape or form and this makes things so much easier... My best friend approves and thinks we should get married...
Figures! I have a feeling his approval is the only one that would matter in this case... 
So true!
If anyone didn't like my choice I wouldn't lose sleep over it but if my mother and best friend both hated the idea, I'd think twice.....
It was bliss... Even the fights were bearable.. :P
But I was 16 and the thought of being in a monogamous relationship for the rest of my youthful years was going to build up into resentment, and I hate looking back and thinking, what if?

What if we didn't date?
What if I didn't waste my youth?
I'd have seen the world..
I'd have made mistakes
I'd have learned from them
I'd have valued it more

I don't think I valued what I had and I didn't ever want to take love for granted....

I wanted to rummage in the dump for a rare and discarded desk lamp....
Trudge through the mud to capture a never before seen photo...
Climb the peaks of Mt. Kenya to take in all its glory...
Savour it like the last piece of chocolate  before my tongue got cut off....

I didn't want to be in it cz it was all I never knew, I wanted to because it was all I ever wanted.... So we hit pause.. We didn't break up, we just redefined the relationship.. It went something like this...

    So you didn't seem happy...

It's not that I'm not happy, I am, it's just that the timing sucks... I want to be with you so much but I'm afraid that I don't value it as much as I should...

    So you don't want to be with me?

No, you're not getting it.. I do, but I'm young, we're young... I want to be with you knowing that I'm not settling, that this really is what love is.

    So what do you want?

I want us to explore, see what life has to offer and in five years, if we're still single and still feel this way, we could try it out..... No regrets...

Well, next year is going to be the fifth year and I'm not sure I want to say yes... I'm not done growing into that place where I can settle down and just chill... I'm not certain that I'll stick to my decision.... I'm restless, al;ways moving and it would feel like a chain, a nice lovable chain, but a chain in the end... I really love them, but I wish it was 2017 and this would be the best movie ever... But life isn't like the movies....

Let's sit on it and hope that by the time I have to decide on whether or not we're getting back together, I'll be certain with my decision... 
Gosh! Just say yes already...

Matters of my mind's expansion
Well, it's better now..
I still have no clue what I'll do with my degree when I'm done but I'm sure I want to be in school till then... No dropping out for me, it's definitely not in my play book... :)
Thing is, university is there for me to figure it all out in... If I already knew what I wanted to do, I'd miss out on the cool things I'd do trying to figure it out.....
And I'd have a lot of regret seeing as I took the first thing that popped into my head without taking everything else into consideration....
The journey is much more fun that getting to the destination...
Take my trip to Dar es Salaam last year...
The most memorable part was the conversations I had on the bus ride there...That guy you sat to was quite chatty, it beat sleeping the whole ride down...and the motorcycle ride through the capital.... The floods caused a lot of damage but the city is pretty nice, humid but friendly...
I slowed down...
I'm going to  soak in the scenery...
All those sights and sounds that push me in all direction, I'll see where they lead and base my decision on it...
I'm loving it..

General Stuff
I finally get to drive myself...
I think it finally occurred to my mum that my driving meant she could finally get to rest and boy has she being enjoying it...
This week was one of those week's I might never get to see replicated...
I got got to drive myself, to and from town, alone.... 
You should thank your lucky stars, that's not going to happen till you get your own ride...
Usually my driving experience involves my mum shouting directions and yelling at me to slow down, watch where I'm going or warn me of other motorists....
I don't know why she does that, you're a pretty decent driver..
 It was nice taking a break from all that, blasting the radio and letting my crazy out... I spotted a few drivers laughing at my head bobbing and lip syncing but it helps me focus so it's not going to stop any time soon... They're not the only one's that think you have a loose screw, trust me...

I miss my best friend... But he'll be back in a few weeks...
So excited... :D

I think that's it, I'm taking my advise seriously and it's worked magic..... Hope this week goes well, have a cat and I have no idea what were supposed to be learning in that unit... Guess I have to hit the books.. :P

|  Skinny Love - Birdy

1 comment:

  1. Wow....its only getting better from here on :-)

    ReplyDelete