Conditioning or Reality?

And I don't mean the thing you mix into your after you rinse out your shampoo..... I mean what we're made to think we should do.....

Am I conditioned to love?



About a month ago I wrote the post Winter Winds after I decided not to be in a relationship with the last person I dated. I was totally into the idea of being with them, I mean why wouldn't I? They were perfect, my ideal 'Perfect Imperfection' as I've explained before and yet, I couldn't do it. It wasn't fear of commitment, it wasn't the whole loss of the thrill of the chase but I just wasn't in a hurry any more. I sat down and asked myself the fundamental questions I skipped over....

Why do you want to be in a relationship?

My answer was simple enough...
'Because I want to have that special someone I do everything with and cherish with all my heart'.....
Simple and honest enough....
But how could I do that if I wasn't loving myself as I should.... Maybe I just needed someone to justify my looks, you know, someone I look at and think 'If they're with me, then I must be a catch'....
No, my self esteem isn't that low....
I think I just want someone I can share myself with. I mean someone I can be completely honest with. I open myself up rarely. I'm your general closed up book with a pretty cover that keeps you occupied enough that you don't really need to open.

Gosh! This really is a hard question.......

I want to love and be loved.
To smile at the thought of you.
To feel safe at harrowing heights knowing you're there to catch me

Isn't this what I'm fed through all the love sick films I watch?

Yeah...
Makes you wonder if they're planting all these thoughts in my head or if they just depict the honest to God truth about love. I mean, my idea of love is so warped that all I think about is bumping into my true love like in 'Like Crazy'. Making me so in love with the idea of love, that when I meet someone that barely fits the quota I fold....

That's the reason for the break..... I said it earlier....
I'm 20.... Been in two lengthy relationships since I was 16, I'm a serial monogamist....
I know I wont be ready for one till I'm 21, it's only logical.
I'll be out of the house.
Freer to be with whomever I want.
Mobile. Hopefully I'll have a car.
Stable. I think my future will be less sketchy.
So why rush into it now when it'll just end in disaster?

Why are we all in such a hurry?

Because it's supposed to make us happy.
It's the one thing we can all get without much effort so why not?
Human beings are always in the pursuit of Happiness...
My advice....
Find happiness from within first then get someone to compliment it...

Conditioning or Reality?

Is monogamy a dying ideal shoved down our throats from all corners of our lives?
I mean, when life expectancy was damn near 30 it made sense, but now?
What about the shift in family dynamics?
Should my ideals change with them?

My answer...........

Sit down and see what happens.....
When I find the love of my life, we'll decide...

For now,
I'm in no hurry....

| Young Blood - Birdy