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Friday, September 14, 2012

Stranger Comfort and Pressurized Spaces

No, I'm not talking about creature comforts where the the creatures are stranger.......
It's more a term I just coined up to explain my current situation....

I never did get it, why as human beings we're so much more honest and open with people we just met than people who we've lived with for many years.... I mean isn't logical that the person I have been friends with should know more about me than a person I just met days ago???I call it,

 'Stranger Comfort'

I think it's simple really, deep down you know that this person you've loved and shared with over the years might not always be there you because as people, we drift but strangers are strangers because they hold no tie to your life thus don't cause any harm to it in the end......

But what happens when this stranger becomes your friend?

Will you like them the same way or will you cage them in the same claustrophobic box everyone else is in???
I think to much.....
A bit too much...

Anyway, my best friend's leaving for an European tour for the next three weeks so could I be projecting all the things I'd do with him to this stranger????

I know, contradiction right there....
But I think of late, no one has been able to understand me or anything about me for than matter....
My friends know there's something wrong...
Trust me, I'm not depressed
I know what depression feels like
I'm just morphing
I'm at that stage where greatness is expected of me and I have no idea what direction I should go
Here's the thing,
Everyone around me knows, for a fact, that I can do anything
Oh! he's won an award
He's doing a tough course, off course he;s smart
He's in this and that, all really important things
clearly, he has it made..


I wish I was smiling....


But under so much pressure, a day spent doing nothing
A day I could be doing something that could fundamentally change the life of someone else
Makes me feel useless
So much pressure can't be healthy...

Can't I have a breather, from myself????
All I'm ever in is Pressurized Spaces

Someone switch bodies with me

*cricket noises*


I just want a road map, things I should be doing now to reach whatever goals I'm driving to
something I could use.....


I had a chat with my mum
I rarely mention her
Actually, come to think about it, this is the first time
She went on and on about how I have the potential to do so much so I shouldn't be thinking about now but thinking ahead.....
It's great advise, but I feel pressured as it is without you bearing all your hopes and dreams for me on my shoulders.............

I need to get away,
From myself
From all this......


I'm not going to kill myself....


I've accepted my fate,
Greatness is expected
and greatness will be gotten but right now all I need to be doing is
Well, studying.........
Anything else is a plus but I have the feeling a multi-million dollar company needs to come out of my ass in two seconds or I shall forever be shamed
This is how Asians must feel


Can I just be my age and do the best I can to help others..
I have a passion
I don't think I'm doing all that I can with it
but I can find time.....
I will find time....But I need to absorb a few thing
I feel like I'm at that stage
You know.
Where the world is your oyster and i just need to read and absorb all I can because without that, all this pressure is going to blow me up to bits without a channel to go through

I need to get it all in
The How to's
Ignorance is no longer bliss

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