Radio Silence

I'm taking a break from social networking. I figured i needed to when the thought of having three phones seemed valid. Yes, three. I was worried, wouldn't you? So, I sat down and went back to my roots (basically reviewed my core values)and realised I really need to go back to basics, simplicity. That's what I've been striving for but recently my judgement has been clouded by vanity and greed.
How has it been so far?
Well, I have a lot of free time, my gosh, I spent ten minutes staring at my bedroom walls trying to figure out what to do other than facebook or tweet. It wasn't hard to figure out I ought to be studying with assignments due and the end of the semester nearing. So, i grabbed a book and got reading.

Social networking isn't the only thing I'll be taking a break from. No, no one's cheated and yes, we're in love. But love isn't enough. My relationship is psychologically and physically stressing me and I quite honestly can't keep repeating the same thing over and over again (i know, it's tiring) trying to bring my point across and watch you not give a fuck. Funny thing is you could have me if you only tried.
I'm tired and if you seriously want to keep me you have to fight for me. Mabye I need this time to myself, it's been a while since I did anything just to please myself(don't go there). I've neglected myself for too long.



#Pocket full of Sunshine - Natasha Beddingfield

"Take me away, a secret place
A sweet escape, take me away
Take me away to better days
Take me away, a hiding place"

At the end of my rope

The heading clearly says it all.
What do you to when you're in love with someone who claims to love you back when they don't put you as a priority in their life or is downright selfish in the sense that they only think of themselves and what they want without any regard to your feelings and needs??
I'm in the middle of a free fall plummeting into the great unknown and you haven't left the house yet. I feel like an idiot and like I've been used in the sense that I've let you in without really knowing what you want from this relationship and whether or not it coinsides with what I want. It reached a point when I gave up trying to make myself happy and vowed to figure out what you wanted and needed and give it to you but I never did get to know what that was exactly..

I'm at the end of my rope.
You hold the fate of our relationship in your hands. I'm merely the person who wants to spend my time with you, knowing you, growing with you and enjoying every moment of it, so tell me what you want? Is it really that hard?
Tell me if you really love me or you're in love with the idea of being with me.
Tell me what you want out of this relationship or if you just want out.
Tell me if you can change so we can move on or tell me if you can't so you can break my heart now rather than later,

I'm at the end of my rope
And only you can save me and or put me out my misery.


#Breakeven-The Script

Wake Up Call: The Tale of a Lone Ranger

No, I don't mean the song by Maroon5. I mean more of a forced epiphany crammed down my throat through an elaborately plotted intervention. For a smart person I do a lot of stupid things like leave incriminating evidence in my bag and forget about it which was later found out and led to the above mention intervention. I swear I wasn't going to do anything with it but just being in possession of it was reason enough for my dad to rite me off as dead weight. Sure my mood swings and erratic behavior wasn't helping the story but it really stung that he thought that about me.
Anyway at the end of the meeting after all the shouting and the crying I realised that I really was an idealist living in a purely realist populous. I've always thought of myself as a non-social conformist with my obviously unique dress code that I pick purely for comfort, my long crazy hair (oh how I shall miss thee) and my complete disregard of other peoples opinions of myself but society won this fight but I stand strong when I say the war still rages on.
Why should I be fitted into a nifty cardboard box, tagged and left to live life the way society dictates? Why should I sacrifice my own happiness for the good of others purely on the basis that it is different?? Shouldn't the society accept the different and not try to beat them into submission?? Shouldn't tolerance be the order of the day because at the end of the day we aren't cut off the same cloth??
I may be shackled and out of breath but as my strength increases and the fire within rages for my cause, I shall one day rise and fight for it, the freedom to be free, for in this society we are not free but merely allowed to live.. My voice shall be heard..

Fine! You are an 'issue'..

I ignore you every single day.. Subconciously omitted from my thoughts abd thought process.. The itch in my bum, the thorn in my side and the pebble in my foot.. You weren't an issue as long as you didn't affect me at all but now you've done more than that..

I look at people who are overweight differently..
Not in any way that would be deemed prejudicial but because I don't like you everything about you pisses me off from your juvenile behavior to your fat.. You disgust me and I don't like you to the point it almost seems like hate..
So just DIE!!! ..

As for my general outlook on people who maybe overweight, you are to blame and I wish you were never born..

The sad reality that is my life.. why do i bother??

Life is one whole continuous cycle. A film in a loop never really changing much. I'm bored and tired of all this madness. It's not really madness but it comes close.

Why can't i get what i want sometimes. I live a simple enough life, not that too cluttered to confuse myself in terms of my basic needs and some needless wants. With that in mind, you should have figured I don't ask for much.
So why not throw me a bone one of these days?? My life has always been like this. No expectations. It's simple like that but hurtful when nothing actually bares fruit and even worse when promises come your way and dont pull through either.
Ask for a laptop, wait a whole year..(i don't mind the wait buy would it kill you to surprise me once in a while??)
Get promised a big holiday, go to shags instead.(don't plant a thought in my head when you know it won't work.. havent you noticed i don't get excited anymore?? i love spending time with the family.. i'm sure to have fun-no matter how forced my expressions may be-)
Meet the person of your dreams, they don't give you what you want or need out of the relationship.. (i love you but please! would it kill you to actually do something.. anything.. i'm supposed to be the sunshine in the rain that may come into your life, so don't make me feel like jusr anothet raindrop)
Nothing..
My life is sad enough when you have a truck load of insecurities but add the fact that nothing goes for you and that's too much to handle.
I don't wanna give up completely.. I'm already at 10%, if i get any lower i'll be borderline suicidal.. Cut me some slack and let something good come my way..