October Babies

This post goes out to all those amazing October babies out there and you guessed it, I'm one too.

I never really get what the big deal is with new years and all those resolutions people set when they really should be setting them on their birthdays. It makes sense that way because it's literally the start of a new year in your existence. This year I've pretty much been all over the place thinking about growing up and what exactly I should do about it.

Should I act older?
Should I act my age?
Should I act younger cz I can get away with it?????

Anyway, I figured all I can do is just live by the day and do what is required of me in different situations. Basically maturity is knowing how to act, matching your situation with the relevant trait.

My resolutions.....

*drum rolls please*

1.Go to all the events I want to
2.Study during the day even if my schedule is tighter than most headlocks in most wrestling shows
3.Find my purpose
4.Be a nag - If I really want something I should fight for it
5.Get better at driving
6.Get a camera
7.Leave the country at least once
8.Don't date

......................................

The list goes on and on and on but generally, I need to be a better person this year...

birthday month... *psyched*

It's 2am in the morning and I'm up this late partly because I was watching episodes 305 through 309 of Bleach- I'm a sucker for anime- and mainly because I'm slightly pressed.. hihihi! I can't go to sleep on a full bladder, I could but It'd be the epitome of discomfort.. Anyway, enough about my bladder.. It's finally birthday month and I have no idea what to do.... Typical, I set the whole month aside for my enjoyment with nothing planned, well you call it 'the lack of planning' and I say 'I shall let the force of randomness take me wherever it may'. I'm not quite sure this will be a great idea this year since last year tanked some other designs, I'm glad I didn't end up dying of boredom................


So, i think I'll play it safe this year and do a little light planning... 


*stares at screen*


Well, lets see.....


*engages check list*


 ✔ there's the combined birthday drink fest happening this Thursday... woohooo!!!! I'll be on water till then..  


✔ there's my birthday day party with all my friends and family... I'm trying not to be in the loop with this one but mother dearest keeps trying to forcefully share the load. My excuse however is that I help plan everyone else's down to cake selection so i think it'd be fun not to have to worry about my own birthday party preparations........... but it'd be a shame for me to let her do the work... Wish ??I could pawn off my helping her out as my birthday present to her.. *I wish*


✔ there's the surprise get together with beau........ trust me, with my general lack of expectations I'd be happy sharing ice-cream in a park....... *note to beau-> should not be taken seriously*


✔ there's the trip out of the country I'll be taking soon, I'll take that as a gift from the universe for all that crap it's laid on me all my life... ha! experience my foot........ I'll be sure to shop when I can.......


✔  there's beau's birthday... crap! can't believe I'll miss that but I'm certain they'll enjoy what I have planned for them... they deserve it.. :D *thinks*




this is harder than I thought....... *goes back to drawing board*


✔ there's my vow to be less lazy..... didn't quite start  on the right foot today but I'm sure that tomorrow will be better.... *50shs I won't be up by 9am tomorrow* ....


✔ there's also the hope that the universe won't screw me over this month finding myself at home unaware of all the fun people are having out there........ But seeing how the month has started there's hope.. Got to go out with friends and celebrate a friend's birthday.. It's always fun to be around close friends or people you can be yourself around.... Went for the Safaricom Classical Fusion Concert  and I must say It was whey better than last years.. I'd expect so but they outdid themselves........ I think it may also have had something to do with the crowd........... It's always fun when you have friends around..........


✔  there's some little stuff like keeping true to my cause and going pass this insane fear of failure I have....... It's terrible, it's the one thing stopping me from getting my drivers licence and turning all these ideas I have into reality..... See now this where I actually pat religion on the back because no matter how iffy their grounds on most of life's issues, it actually has a plan, even if it's nested in the vague phrase, 'you're in God's plan' but it's a plan nonetheless.... sigh! guess turning that fear into a strength will be this years main priority because it's turning out to one major roadblock........ *snap out of it*


This looks to have the potential of being a really awesome birthday month..


                                           ......... *crosses fingers* .......

just when i thought i had changed turns out i didn't

I thought I was growing and learning to be one of all of y'all, people who reside in the bubble..... But I can't...... I'm sorry , that shit be fake.....
Fashion?? Really??? Because when we wear clothes that are 'in fashion' we'll be transported into the world of the wanted and needed????????????? FUCK!! THAT!! SHIT!!! Develop a cure for stupid then maybe I'll give you the time of day........... *breathes*
I'm sorry, I'm tied of conforming.. It's a lot of hard work and costs a lot of money... A closet half filled with clothes I will never wear and hours wasted away trying to fit into a society that is as fake as Pam De Beaufort in True Blood Season 4 when the witch casts a rotting spell on her and she needed four shots four times a day of some drug to keep her face from falling off.. I CAN"T!!!! I can't fit in and I can't be someone I'm not just to have a false sense of community....... *empties closet of clothes never to be worn*............. Now that that's done with I can move on to the matter at hand, CHANGE!!!
I've talked about change before but really never did do anything about it........ but I didn't know how to react so It's allowed.... But it's true a couple things have changed since then as well and I'll be covering the top ten changes in my life over the past year before my birthday...


1. I fell in 'nudge'
Let me explain........ Well, it's not really like but not really love as well... it's like limbo.. feeling portions of both emotions at once .... 
This is the first time I've liked someone who I didn't have to change jack for, be it my disposition or even my morals. They take 'loving you for who you are' to a whole new level... My insecurities and transgressions have been laid bare and they liked me even more??? Seems like the perfect person, aye?? WRONG!!! And thank the universe for that, but what I can say is that they're 'perfectly imperfect" and that's fine with me because I nudge them imperfections and all-haven't seen those though but i'm keeping my eyes open-........ 
But most importantly they make me smile=happy=not sulky and that was top on my list... If experience has taught me anything it is that I shouldn't confuse a relationship with seimis twin status. 'NEEDY MUCH???' would suffice in this case..... I finally have someone I want to be with and I'm planning on how to keep them... Now that's change right there.... *they're calling* :D Motivation indeed... *inside joke*

2. I can't stand bitchy any more...
It just hit me that I can't digest the whole bitchy vibe... I think my system just got tired of all that negative energy coursing through my skin like radiation causing little cankerous cells that'll end up killing all the light in my aura making me a spiralling vortex of darkness whose sole purpose is to constantly dish out negative energy only leading in the cycle repeating itself....  Need I say more... *puts patients in quarantine till bitchiness is eradicated* In other words my threshold just broke so jipange........... :P

3. I'm making an effort to be more open and honest to the people in my life
I've always said my upbringing played a big part in my tendency to lie pathologically and seem a tad closed off.. I guess I understand how it can be misconstrued as being mistrustful... Took a while to open up and my inability to know what i feel at any given moment wasn't helping but I think after i realised people need to know what I feel it got easier......... My perceptions had to change from viewing it as 'keeping it all to myself' to 'withholding my opinions and feelings from others'... All of a sudden that old quote' 'No man's an island' doesn't seem as stupid as it did....

#to be continued...... I can't be arsed to go on... *sleeps*

from gari with love

It was my best friends birthday two weeks ago and it being the last day of my first semester's finals it was definately a blessings from a blessing from the gods. So, 'we' got him the awesomest gift ever, two cards of different years that add up to his actual age (we're awesome like that) and I got him some super delicious hush cookies and boy, did we get high, okay, i got stoned and everyone enjoyed every moment of it.. :) I remember a lot dancing, swimming, running in circles, blacking out in some instances and having truck loads of fun since everyone was there and as well as the source of my emotional rollercoaster rides and general feeling of love . I liked it.

I needed a break from all the worrying and just enjoy life and as luck would have it i was starting my short break.. :) So, i took up watching bleach from scratch and as most of you know it's a quite a task in itself seeing as bleach has over 300 episodes under it's belt.. :) Anyway, that would take up my time in the house and distract me from my irrational fear of being hurt, emotionally. We said we'd start communicating more but it seems that I started and they stopped, not really stopped but the decline was drastic. There's that and this weird feeling I get when i get lectured-for luck of a better word- or feel a lecture coming on about something so lame like brushingmy hair in public-i used brushing because technically it's too short to comb.. :)-and showing up at their door step unannounced- well, isn't that what you call a surprise- because i wanted to spend time with them. I'm confused and not in a dumbfounded way but in a confused enough to laugh sort of way so I'm taking it easy and not letting it bother me..

I found myself at my favourite restaurant, gari on friday morning reading the art of war as i drank i ccup of tea. Nothing special happened after that apart from the sol filosofia album launch and it was AMAZING.. :)Got to buy their cd and fought my way through to get it autgraghed and it was totally worth it because their music is so upeat and frankly i like it more since it's kenyan. We really need to encourage more uprising talent to take it to the stage and sing their hearts out. Anyway, i feel like i should have paid more than 500shs for it but who am i to complain. I met every single one of my friends-obviously i didn't but it felt like it- and i really kept myself undercontrol concidering i wasn't quite sober. The night went on without a hitch and when the event was over i went to my friend's place for a sleepover and fun was definately had. We ended up making chips from scratch and i prepared my world famous kachumbari- a mix of tomatoes, onions, corriander leaves and a dash of vinegar and lemon juice- and fell asleep at around 4am. Ended up going to my dad's that evening. Always great spending time with my siblings and grand mother. Had a spat with my significant other on the very next day, sorted it out i guess and ended up in gari in the evening. I sure do love me some tea.

I guess my plan's working after all, time to live and let live. :)