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Saturday, July 2, 2011

I'm lost again...but closer to the finish line

If any of you has watched ben10: alien force you know about the 'high breed' .. don't call the psyche hospital just yet..
i like how they played around with the pun, you know, 'hybrid' and 'high breed' especially when they're a race that is totally against the existence of other species and who's worst nightmare would be to interbreeding. so, in the end of the first season(i think), ben10 and one of the high-breed -who's arm got severed, replaced with a plant arm, tried to kill himself because he wasn't pure and finally realised that other species matter too- stopped a giant tree creature, that was created by the high-breed, from blowing up the earth and consequently reversing the genetic damage that was caused by the high-breed's inbreeding, teaching them that they should embrace other species..
what was my point again? yeah!
so, imagine I'm the high-breed, everyone else is some other sort of specie and there's no ben10.. you guessed it, you all die and my race withers away because of all the inbreeding.. I need a ben10 to help me through this all.. someone to make me see clearly, like that moment you're sent to the eye doctor for glasses and you think you can see then pow! you realise you'd missed all that.. and all this feeling.. gosh! i was told i need to name it.. the emotion.. to get through it.. makes sense though..
anger.. not really..
guilt.. nope!
sorrow.. nah!
shame?? ah! ah!
confusion.. wait! is that emotion? no! but it does explain a lot..
Ah huh! frustration.. I'm frustrated

that was easy, i think........
but what am i frustrated about?
a long list can be drafted....
need to get a journal...
that should help...
or a writing pad..
jot it all down..
get the emotions on paper..
then sort that isht out....
this stale funk of neediness and emotional turmoil is cramping my style..

but the key reason I'm frustrated is because i have no control over anything.....
here's one more,
i'm scared
i'm scared that one of these days everything will crumble and fall....
that the people i care for will vanish....
i don't like waiting for bad things to happen but that's exactly what i'm waiting for...
i can't live life this way...


  1. I'm glad you found my interpretation of life from my viewpoint. interesting. :)