I've been rather depressed the past couple of days, okay, i shouldn't say a couple, that sounds like a week or two, it's been for the past three days. When i say depressed, i don't mean that "you'll get back up" sort of way but more of a "oh shit! the foundation's cracked" morbidly exaggerate sort of way. On sites, when the foundation cracks everything stops because without the foundation, the house can't be built. Well, there's usually one of two ways to go ahead, remove the damn thing, redesign it and start over or quit.
I feel depressed and i'm stuck at the fork on the road. Yes, the one that lets me choose between finding out why I'm all mopy or giving up because i can't be arsed to care about my future and try to live..
How do I know I'm depressed? Well, if the constantly teary eyes and the slight bipolar disposition haven't caught your eye then u're blind. It always boils down to whether I can hold a smile and look like I mean it for at least ten seconds. I've been through this a lot as you may have probably deduced. I just always feel.. I always feel... I always feel but i never know.. That's the reason I'm like this. Yes, you're beginning to find out that I need to know things. I never know things. I don't mean general things like the cheapest modest eatery around, I mean things about myself. I'm never sure when I make decisions or whether i'm making a decision or if there's a decision to be made at all. I'm exhausted because I don't know if i'm living life like i should. I don't have a guide book and any experiences shared don't even remotely resemble my problems if I even have problems.
Is this all life is about, floating helplessly in a sea of nothingness for our entire lives hoping for a flicker of hope that really isn't going to show up? *waits for a response*