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Monday, June 20, 2011

If i had a shrink...

I've been rather depressed the past couple of days, okay, i shouldn't say a couple, that sounds like a week or two, it's been for the past three days. When i say depressed, i don't mean that "you'll get back up" sort of way but more of a "oh shit! the foundation's cracked" morbidly exaggerate sort of way. On sites, when the foundation cracks everything stops because without the foundation, the house can't be built. Well, there's usually one of two ways to go ahead, remove the damn thing, redesign it and start over or quit.
I feel depressed and i'm stuck at the fork on the road. Yes, the one that lets me choose between finding out why I'm all mopy or giving up because i can't be arsed to care about my future and try to live..
How do I know I'm depressed? Well, if the constantly teary eyes and the slight bipolar disposition haven't caught your eye then u're blind. It always boils down to whether I can hold a smile and look like I mean it for at least ten seconds. I've been through this a lot as you may have probably deduced. I just always feel.. I always feel... I always feel but i never know.. That's the reason I'm like this. Yes, you're beginning to find out that I need to know things. I never know things. I don't mean general things like the cheapest modest eatery around, I mean things about myself. I'm never sure when I make decisions or whether i'm making a decision or if there's a decision to be made at all. I'm exhausted because I don't know if i'm living life like i should. I don't have a guide book and any experiences shared don't even remotely resemble my problems if I even have problems.
Is this all life is about, floating helplessly in a sea of nothingness for our entire lives hoping for a flicker of hope that really isn't going to show up? *waits for a response*


  1. Yes and no. Well it may be bliss to just float around and flow with whatever current life throws at you in that sea, that at first, may seem painted with nothingness (usually it really isn't) but then again, therein lies the role,which we at times forfeit to play, determining the outcome when you manage to make it out(barely alive mostly)of your shipwreck.Whether it will work for or against you (the outcome,that is)it depends on how you look at it; half full or half empty, you decide... see you can either view life this way: it offers you roses but full of thorns, why sweat it right?..or offers you thorns, but full of roses; aha!there is a glimmer of hope, right there...

    Then again, take a breather man, life is funny, just sit back, take a day at a time, make the good times last...and amuse yourself...

    *, did I just write all of that...thats a mouthfull...I over did it, didn't I?... (^^,)*

  2. deesar, ignorance is bliss and all but i don't like not knowing.. it's frustrating.. life's frustrating.. i admit i'm an optimist and idealist but those two mixed with pent up frustration is a cocktail set to get you all sad and mopy.. living at the moment sounds fun and all but what if life isn't as hot as you'd want it right now.. :( i'm scared that something drastic's going to happen in my life that's going to change me forever..................
    i'm scared to live....
    that i'm not strong enough...
    now i've said a lot.. :P