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Thursday, June 16, 2011

through all thing, fear remains my constant .....

I feel like every waking moment of everyday my purpose of being, my reason for existing is to wait for something bad to happen..
I'm paralysed by fear..
Not just fear but the fear of the unknown...
I can't let go.....
I can't just let go..

I self-analyse myself.. a lot... sorta why why I still think me and the vixan are meant to be each other.. We calm each others crazy.. :)

Anyway, my point? My point is i try to live my life as spontaniously as possible because i'm afraid that at any moment things won't be as great as they are right now..
Not because I see life as a precious gift that should be cherished but because I want to enjoy it while i still want to....

I don't want to regret not enjoying my life when i had the chance to.. and from all that maybe death won't be hard to bear..

I'm afraid of death....
Not not existing but how i'll stop existing...
And not just how but if i'll be happy...
If i'll have met the right person... if i had tried hard enough..
If i had fried fish when i craved it..

I don't want to live with regrets.. Or worse go to grave with them....

Guess that my purpose in life,
to have no regrets....


  1. I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear-Nelson Mandela..

  2. conquering the fear..
    I'm sure that'll solve a lot of the fear but without it, what will i have left?
    the emptiness scares me more than the fear I harbour..