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Friday, November 4, 2011

you have got to be kidding me....

I must be part of the worst cosmic joke of the century because.....c'mon how can I have the best birthday month of all time followed by a shit load of random stupid events that literally want to drain me of my humanity....
October saw me doing a lot of things but I generally don't like talking about myself especially when it's all positive cz somewhere inside it feels like bragging101 and I'm just not that guy, hence the silence... Anyway, everything seems to be crashing down on my head and I feel like buying a gun and going after father time for this practical joke he calls life cz what the fuck!!.
So, when I left you all my relationship was all hunky dory, fact is, it's not... Thanks to karma I'm in the same situation I was in 9 months ago, only this time the shoes on the other foot... Yup, you got it, I'm the stable mature one and he practically has the coordinates for this relationship set to destruction... Part of the reason I even wanted to be in this damn relationship is because I had found the first imperfectly perfect person I'd ever liked. Let me expound on that,
I've always been looking for the perfect beaux, you know, they has to be this, and this age and love to do this and that, they has to be this tall with this complexion and most definitely have this demeanour....... Didn't take me long to figure out that all that was bull and finding my perfect match was equivalent to cloning and dating myself and we all know that isn't going to happen(any time soon.. I give it thirty years...).... One failed relationship and one soul searching expedition later I figured I'd at least find someone I shared a spark with and would go for it....
Ehem!
Do not mistake that for settling, I don't settle..... This was more of a change of tactic, reflecting more on the connection than whether or not they fitted into the puzzle space that was designated for my ideal soul mate.... It wasn't long till I found them, tall, chunky, IT specialist (apparently I have a type) and as messed up as I was.... Finally someone I didn't have to change for or hide most of myself from...... Well, let's just say my hypothesis was whey off...... So, 6 weeks into the relationship they bring up fears of loosing interest and go on about how I'm not exactly what they're looking for but all in all they still like me.....
Wait a goddamn minute!
You like me but you don't like being in a relationship with me?
No, it's not that, I just feel like something is missing....... (well I'd say your senses could be missing.. I'm just saying.)
So what changed????
What effing changed???
I know I'm weird and all........... Don't get me started on that one cz I'm not what you'd exactly call your 'average 19 year old lad'..... Your average 19 year old would be fresh out of high school, a football enthusiast and happy to fall into any nifty box that society would categorise them in, which in this case would be your perfect 'manly man'... Bull! I wrote about masculinity a while back and I still stand firmly and say that I am every bit a man as any tom, dick or harry... Just because I wouldn't be caught dead in a football stadium or don't find baggy jeans and the lack of hygiene as the key points in defining myself doesn't mean my love for the arts and quirky likes make me any less a man..... And it's not that by not being a manly man I'm what you'd call fruity...... Maybe just sometimes but I just don't fit into any bloody stereotype.. I'm my own being outside of whom I chose to date and I am sick and tired of feeling like being different is the biggest hindrance to finding happiness cz it sucks knowing that it looks like an attractive quality and all but at the end of the day half the people I want to date just want someone who conforms to social pressure cz it's easier than walking around with their equivalent of the village clown pretending to be okay with it...... when obviously they are not... Or maybe I should date someone my own age, that would solve a lot of problems... The thought's alluring, I wouldn't have to compromise much and we'd be at the same point in our lives..... Oh wait! they are either still finding themselves or oblivious of what they want or need......
Fuck that shit!!!!
You know what, I might just fly solo, go celibate and join a monestry (always wanted to do that.......) I'm just saying, I can't go through this again... This is the bloody last straw cz honestly, what the fuck????? ........
You're just not what I was looking for.... I mean you're awesome and all (awesome enough to like and not date huh?.. where's the logic??) but you just don't have all the qualities I wanted, granted you have most of them, it's just that I want someone who meets all my criteria.... Bull!!
Kumbe you didn't know enough about me to realise I don't match your "criteria" to the tee?????? SMH!!!  
*zones out*
 I can only take that much bull.....
*reboots*
I'm afraid I'll get bored and lose interest....
well, you could die of a heart attack right now, aliens could invade the earth in ten minutes and the earth could implode in the next ten years........ so???????? Are you trying to say that since the relationship, and frankly everything on earth has the possibility of failure that we shouldn't even bother??? o_O
I'm afraid you've lost me....... Thinking about the future only sets you up for disaster, I'm just saying live in the fucking present, and right now, I like you and you like me, so what gives????
Long story short, I gave them two weeks to sort out their shit and see whether or not they live without having the perfect person by their side and settle (I use that word loosely) with me, the sap who believes that there's a chance that they'll snap out of the delirium they're in... Why can't relationships be easy???? I swear I might just end up marring a plate of food... At least it won't send me into a rant...
If you think I'm done you've got another thing coming............
*breathes*
For the first time in like forever  I actually think school was created to make my life a living a hell..... This semester has got to be the most draining and overly filled semester yet..... I swear I'm living in a parallel universe cz this life is not my own....
FUCK!!!!!!!!
What the hell is going on, five assignments due Monday and an exam o that very same day........ c'mon....... give a brother a break........
If I live through next week I'm going to have to reward myself handsomely...
I need comfort food.......
*heads to kitchen*

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