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Sunday, September 11, 2011

my search for perfection..

I was just about done with blogger for the month, I had to face the fact that I didn't have any inspiration whatsoever during the month of August and that there was no way in all that is good in the world that it'd hit me right now when I really want to be in bed but alas! t'is the path the universe doth chosen for me... gosh! i sound like a raving lunatic.... so I better get this off my chest fast so I can be in bed by 1am... what? I love my sleep............ *attempts to save the situation by starting another paragraph*
My search for love could very well have been flawed from the beginning, yes, I'm admitting that I may actually have been wrong, okay! not entirely but wrong nonetheless.... I'll use the same principle we use in school, bad foundation = unstable building = inevitable collapse .. In my case, the building's collapsed a couple dozen times without even one thought put into the foundation.... an initial thought... that maybe, just maybe I'll find the perfect person........ 
I have to admit that is flawed reasoning right there, took me a while too. The constant badgering from my father to lower my standards and my mother's relentless efforts at finding the reason behind my 'situation'. I thought most parents would be happy to see their son focusing on the far more important issues that chasing tail round the town, I thought wrong........ or maybe it was the fact that i described myself as 'asexual' to get them off my back that's gotten them worried.... I honestly can't be arsed.. anyway, it all made sense a couple of minutes ago.
I'm not perfect so why should any other person be any different, right? I can't be on time for most appointments to save my life and I am probably the worst dancer on the face of the planet... *tries the electric slide to prove the point* so what? It only makes me human....... 
So why do I find it difficult to accept other people's faults? .. it's simple... I can accept them, it's just that my idea of 'perfection' isn't along the line of flawlessness - gosh! i think i made that up.. *adds entry to personal dictionary next to 'thingum'*- but shares the same light as compatibility.... 
I could very well be looking for a version of myself to date... came pretty close to that the other day but as luck would have it, they were taken..... the good ones always are.... I felt like a dunce, throwing myself at them like they were my purpose for living... almost like being without them was unfathomable..... love can be a total douche, when it want to... or is it infatuation, I get confused... *stares blankly into space* .... After the whole ordeal, i wound up back at square one, the foundation..... I was all for change, ready to break down the barrier I lifted up to keep me in check, ready to pounce on any one who passed through my obstacle course that was intellectual grading, spiritual self knowledge and basic conversational skills. Could I be happy with anyone? I think my dad would agree with that, don't think he's right though because the moment that wall came down, all hell broke loose.. I ended up causing more harm than good with the leading people on and literally ignoring passes directed at myself after it was clear it wasn't going anywhere... It's safe to say the walls back up and I'd rather die  single that be in an unhappy sham and a mockery of a relationship..
I got the hint, nobody's perfect..... so I'm just keeping an eye out for the flawed love of my life, wonder how many they'll be?? ... brings me to another point, 'true love'...... need to research on that one...... *gags at the thought of cupid in action* ......... 

1 comment:

  1. bad foundation = unstable building = inevitable collapse That is one of the most useful formula's I've heard in a long time! Enjoy your search (and find) of your flawed love of your life