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Sunday, April 10, 2011

taking a break

In the past year, my heart's been stretched and pulled in all sorts of directions. Forcefully removed from someone else's chest to prevent them from the uneventful heartache they would have gone through in the event we did stay together, forcefully attemped at loving someone else who's heart readily falls for any living being and torn to shreds by another who would have been the one if only we didn't grow apart or tried so hard to love.
Three relationships.
Three heartaches.
Three mistakes? No!
Three opportunities to learn.
One lover missed.
One lover turned friend. No benefits.
One lover who didn't quite really get out of my chest. Still feel a bump when I hear they're off doing some random thing. Have to physically force myself not to care. 'You broke it for this exact reason. Stop it! They're their person, no need to care if they don't mean anything to you'
But it's a lie.
Just because I hide the feelings so well doesn't mean they don't exist.
I wouldn't be human if I didn't.

Maybe I need to be on my own for a while.
Someone did come around and stirred things up a little but to be quite honest, don't think they're my bucket of fish.
I should take a break.
Already found myself.
Confused us fuck.
Nothing's changed there.
But my heart does need a break.
But when it's all fixed up and ready for it
I'm sure i'll find that someone
Surely there's someone out there worth my time and effort
Someone who'd love me
And I them
Someone I wouldn't want to change or force myself to love.
But until then
My life's fine without any of that to complicate it
There's more to life than fleeting moments of passion or delusions of happiness
No matter how much better they make us feel.
But deep down inside
I'm sure I'm sure I'll find the perfect balance.

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