Wake Up Call: The Tale of a Lone Ranger

No, I don't mean the song by Maroon5. I mean more of a forced epiphany crammed down my throat through an elaborately plotted intervention. For a smart person I do a lot of stupid things like leave incriminating evidence in my bag and forget about it which was later found out and led to the above mention intervention. I swear I wasn't going to do anything with it but just being in possession of it was reason enough for my dad to rite me off as dead weight. Sure my mood swings and erratic behavior wasn't helping the story but it really stung that he thought that about me.
Anyway at the end of the meeting after all the shouting and the crying I realised that I really was an idealist living in a purely realist populous. I've always thought of myself as a non-social conformist with my obviously unique dress code that I pick purely for comfort, my long crazy hair (oh how I shall miss thee) and my complete disregard of other peoples opinions of myself but society won this fight but I stand strong when I say the war still rages on.
Why should I be fitted into a nifty cardboard box, tagged and left to live life the way society dictates? Why should I sacrifice my own happiness for the good of others purely on the basis that it is different?? Shouldn't the society accept the different and not try to beat them into submission?? Shouldn't tolerance be the order of the day because at the end of the day we aren't cut off the same cloth??
I may be shackled and out of breath but as my strength increases and the fire within rages for my cause, I shall one day rise and fight for it, the freedom to be free, for in this society we are not free but merely allowed to live.. My voice shall be heard..

Fine! You are an 'issue'..

I ignore you every single day.. Subconciously omitted from my thoughts abd thought process.. The itch in my bum, the thorn in my side and the pebble in my foot.. You weren't an issue as long as you didn't affect me at all but now you've done more than that..

I look at people who are overweight differently..
Not in any way that would be deemed prejudicial but because I don't like you everything about you pisses me off from your juvenile behavior to your fat.. You disgust me and I don't like you to the point it almost seems like hate..
So just DIE!!! ..

As for my general outlook on people who maybe overweight, you are to blame and I wish you were never born..

The sad reality that is my life.. why do i bother??

Life is one whole continuous cycle. A film in a loop never really changing much. I'm bored and tired of all this madness. It's not really madness but it comes close.

Why can't i get what i want sometimes. I live a simple enough life, not that too cluttered to confuse myself in terms of my basic needs and some needless wants. With that in mind, you should have figured I don't ask for much.
So why not throw me a bone one of these days?? My life has always been like this. No expectations. It's simple like that but hurtful when nothing actually bares fruit and even worse when promises come your way and dont pull through either.
Ask for a laptop, wait a whole year..(i don't mind the wait buy would it kill you to surprise me once in a while??)
Get promised a big holiday, go to shags instead.(don't plant a thought in my head when you know it won't work.. havent you noticed i don't get excited anymore?? i love spending time with the family.. i'm sure to have fun-no matter how forced my expressions may be-)
Meet the person of your dreams, they don't give you what you want or need out of the relationship.. (i love you but please! would it kill you to actually do something.. anything.. i'm supposed to be the sunshine in the rain that may come into your life, so don't make me feel like jusr anothet raindrop)
Nothing..
My life is sad enough when you have a truck load of insecurities but add the fact that nothing goes for you and that's too much to handle.
I don't wanna give up completely.. I'm already at 10%, if i get any lower i'll be borderline suicidal.. Cut me some slack and let something good come my way..

for the love of food

"I love food"

This statement rolls off my tongue almost everyday. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day, all I think about is food. I feel like a child again on the eve of his birthday. The anticipation builds as that plate of food draws nearer and nearer and as it gets laid on my table

Food is my mistress.
I am filled with the pleasure it gives me..

"I love food"

Masculinity..

I haven't written or even drafted a post in a while. You could call it writer's block but I'd call it 'lack of an opinion'. My posts are influenced by what revolves around me, a feeling, my experiences and those of others as well. Masculinity has always been a subject I could never sink my teeth into and fully understand. You could say the lack of male role models may have contributed to my lack of 'need' to do what I find most men do so flawlessly. But I'd argue that what people deem as masculine is based on what the society has influenced men to become through the remnants of older generations and behavioral traits. Case in point, most people would describe German men as cold, distant n devoid of empathy. That's what masculinity is defined as there, no matter how odd you may think it may be.
In my society, masculinity is based on three main things; beer, sports and promiscuity. Everything else relates to these three one way or another. My problem is this rigid box that all men are kept in and how lonely the outskirts of this 'box' are. You could argue that if you break the confines of this box, freedom and inward growth would be found but at what price??
If you aren't masculine then what are you? effeminate?? As a self-proclaimed non-conformist, my view is that people should live their lives as they want to. Life is too short to throw away living someone elses life. I am outside that box. No guidelines, no footprints, nothing but the beating of my heart to guide me to a much better existance. It's not a need to rebel but a need to be free. I don't want to sit down in a pub watching a football game with me mates or pick up fights to prove my selfworth. I want to explore the landscapes, take in the richness of cultures, swim in the pool of diversity and be a better me. I will not be bogged down.